Wednesday, March 19, 2008

The adventurous life of Motu Seth

Poem 1

Motu Seth sadak par let
gaadi aayi fat gaya pet
gadi ka number twenty eight

gadi gayi india gate
india me they chaar sipahi
Motu Seth ko lagi pitayi (Road par letne ke karan)

Motu Seth ne khayi pitayi
pitayi kha kar bhi maangi mithayi
mithai me mila thha ghaaslet
Motu Seth ka bigad gaya pet

Motu Seth ko lag gaya hagga
Sandaas me Motu ko mila nahin magga
Motu Seth bhage jungle
Waha unhe mil gaya A K Hungle

A K Hungle ne maara danda
Motu Seth ka nikal gaya anda
hugge ka tha saara funda
Motu ne kar diya jungle ganda

Motu seth ko aayi sharam
Motu Seth ke fute karam
Motu seth ne ki behayayi
badle me khayi doodh malai

Motu Seth ka bhar gaya pet
Motu Seth gaye shahar
Ja kar shahar gaye sadak par let


Poem 2

Motu Seth bistar par let
Bukhar aaya chipak gaya pet
Temperature ho gaya hundred eight

Motu Seth ne khayi dawaayi
Temperature me farak na aaye
Motu seth ne khayi malayi
Malayi kha kar bimari badhayi

Motu seth ne call kiya GHC
Bole "Hello hum beemar hain ji"
Naam hamara motu seth
Hum to hain bistar par let

Motu seth ne bulvayi nurse
Nurse lekar aayi purse
Purse se nikali moti suyi
Suyi dekh kar motu bole uuiiii

Motu seth bhage chor bazaar
Piche kutte pade hazaar
Chor bazaar me mila hakeem
Usne de di kadvi neem

Neem me mili thi koi davayi
Motu seth ne mardanagi gavayi
Motu seth ne khayi kasam
Mardangi pa kar lenge dum

to be continued

Saturday, January 27, 2007

Patty's marrige kissa !!




Patty is international now. Patty goes to India. He thinks he is hi fi. To patty ki rishte ki baat chali. Din tay hua, phone kiye gaye, mithayi layi gayi, ghar saaf kiya gaya, painting vainting karayi gayi. Finally vo din aa gaya jab Patty ladki se milne wala tha. Patty ke man mandir me tarh tarh ke vichar aa rahe they. Vo soch raha tha ki ye ladki kya hogi uske muqable me.

Here goes Patty’s imagination :

Patty is hi fi. So the girl comes. She is so so looking but given that no one has found Patty bearable and he hasn’t found a girl friend after so much efforts including phone calls from Chicago and all, Patty likes the girl at the first sight. No no…its not love at first sight. Its going to be an arranged marriage. Patty thinks he is not prepared to marry a girl, however his parents are forcing him to marry one. Patty’s mind is fluctuating. Patty prepares himself that he will test the girl on several fronts and will eventually reject her.

Patty : (Speaks)So how educated are you ?

Girl : (shy, Speaks) BA

Patty : (Thinks) (Baas do shabd vo bhi ulte.)

(Speaks) So what was your major ?

Girl : (shy, speaks) English

Patty (Conscious not to make mistakes in the grammar, speaks) : So what is your hobbies ?

Girl : (shy, speaks) painting, crafting, and sleeping.

Patty : (With a feeling of insecurity, speaks) So you doesn’t like cooking ?

Girl : (Thinking is he really in US ? Grrrr $%^&^% )No I do like it, but not too much.

Later she prefers to speak in hindi in a kanpuri tone which makes Patty crazy and he thinks she is not a good choice for him. He asks his dad to demand heavy dowry, however his Dad only asks for a car and some money. They call and confirm that they are ready, however when Patty talks with girl’s relative, he says he is not interested in marriage but in studies. (I am thinking – why does he sleep that much if he is interested in studies ?!! )

Real Show : The Day : Girls Arrives in a Honda City : All dressed up to kill : Smart MBA from a reputed institute.

Patty is international, but no more than a typical kanpuri. He stammers, thinks in hindi translates in English and then speaks a common example being –

“ There you go Manan !” à tum vahan jate ho Manan!

“ Whats up ?” à upar kya hai !

And does several grammatical mistakes

Conversation starts :

Girl : So whats your PhD major ?

Patty (Stammers) : umm…I am doing PhD in a program, which is in materials science and engineering, but I am working with a professor in electrical, on line edge roughness.

Girl (An MBA from a reputed institute) : Oh that’s kinda cool ! So how has the life been so far in US ?

Patty : (Impressed but conscious with the fluency and accent with which the girl speaks) : ya ya.. its cool .. ya , we enjoy, ya .. ya .. ya …. Ya … ya…and we drink !

Girl : (What ! he drinks ! There is no other better thing he does ?) : Oh..ok ! So you mean you party too much …

And the conversation goes on and on till patty finds himself exhausted and the girl figures out that he is a Kanpuri and nothing more!


She does not reply back.

Background :

Girl to her father : You know he was kinda boring, he is in US and all but good for nothing. I don’t think he an even cook his food himself !

Kya socha aur kya nikla …

But, Patty is happy and he lives a king’s life. He does what he wants, he sleeps all the time.

Monday, January 15, 2007

Patty is crunchy !!



Patty's look - Arrogance


Looks like people can not tolerate it much when I deviate and discuss the ‘other so called’ characters which surround patty’s life. SO!! The idea is that I will post only about Patty and the references will be given when required. Also, I am opening this as an open blog where people can post anonymously. I can sacrifice anything which can encourage the central idea of holding this blog.

In my last post, I featured Chotu and left the post with a * - saying gult coming soon, however I will post about the gult in a later post.


To your delight, this post is dedicated to Patty ! Now you might be thinking – what am I going to discuss about Patty ?!

Today I will highlight one of the comments written for Patty.

One of those which I can always reproduce from orkut is a testimonial written by Jumpy – I am deliberately modifying it also giving full credit to Jumpy. Man, this is one of the best testimonials ever written.


Patty is crunchy. Patty needs heating before use. Patty is a bit flaky. Patty can be veg as well as non veg depending upon the customer. Patty satisfies one's hunger to the fullest.

Patty knows how to delight a customer. Patty is found in towns and sometimes in villages. Pepsi (Some people will be able to refer this to someone. ) makes Patty’s presence even better. If Pepsi is not available, Mazza does equally well.

When Pepsi is there, Patty becomes red.

Patty is international now. The day Patty globalized himself, it was delighted to get rid of his old place which was never taken care off by anyone.

Patty is filled with potatoes. Patty comes with spots – usually black. Sometimes these are birth marks, rest of the times, these are marks given by people.

Patty has some enemies – They don’t like Patty and they always mention the bad qualities Patty has and some people cut Patty in to pieces before use.

But, Patty is missed from its place when it is not there.

IIT Bombay has a Patty fan club and so the University of Wisconsin.

Patty is absolutely DELICIOUS. I love veg patty, some one loves non veg patty, someone loves to celebrate pongal, someone loves any Patty, someone loves dog food, someone doesn't care which Patty it is, someone loves to (b)eat Patty.

Chotu eats Patty before playing soccer. Reddy offers Patty to all his female friends.

Some of whom usually reject Patty.

I usually do not care if I have Patty at home, but I do care if Patty is absent. We all love Patty. We all can never live without Patty.

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Nahin aisa nahin hai ... kiya hai ...

Chotu with gult



Chotu in Childhood

And if you guys are wondering why I have sidelined Patty, here is my answer : To define Patty’s life, you need to know about the various characters which surround him most of the time.

Here is the first one. Clearly, there will be many more before we look in to Patty’s life once again.

This creature with only basic needs is called Chotu … nahin nahin … not because ‘…’ but because he was rescued from a bandhua majdoor camp by a so called gult*, and before chotu realized that the shy looking gult was actually a ‘p*rv*rt’ chotu found himself in USA. Chotu found that he was in a much better situation now. His new so called master was giving him food to eat, a bed to sleep, a TV to watch, and an advisor !!

Being generous the advisor in turn gave him a lab to work where Chotu keeps struggling all the time with a so called reactor and can watch from the reactor room the girls taking sun-bath …

All this was wow for Chotu who was also taught chemical engineering by the gult. Whenever Chotu makes his master happy, he gives him a beedi to smoke and a ride in his car however this gult drives so crazily that Chotu prefers to ride a bus.

Choto was in India where he had a girl friend. And by now you must have thought girl friend ??!! Does Chotu know the meaning of a ‘girl friend’ ?

So you think the bandhua majdoors are uneducated ?!! No !!! They are highly educated and some are even PhDs.

Later you will see animals which are educated. Chotu is after all a human being. So on being asked if he has any achievements in life ?!!! He said :

“ nahin… aisa nahin hai … kiya hai… ek baar …”

On being offered some crucial thing he said :

“ Nahin … please tum maat maarna…”

Oh those punch-lines … He speaks so less (A manifestation of the gult’s tortures) that whatever he speaks becomes a punch-line. Chotu loves soccer and likes to kick people like Patty. He is good at ordering Pizzas together with Patty because whenever they order it somehow we get a double amount for half the price.

Chotu is sometimes also called an Auto_________ ! for he has a keen love about his own picture of childhood.

Therefore, Chotu has a great significance in Patty’s life.

Once again we all salute Chotu !

* gult coming soon

Saturday, January 06, 2007

Patty series ... # 2



Hi readers…hope you are enjoying these series…

Let us look at Patty’s attire. When it comes to attire, we ask about the place but Patty has a single liking. He likes only black color. He has several black shirts, black T-shirts, black caps, black jackets, black jeans, black pants, black coat, and black overcoat and so on.

Isko na jane kyun kale rang se itna pyaar kyun hai … Jab dekho kala rang pahante hain …. Agar aap soch rahe hain ki ki “na jane kyun ?” to hum batate hain …



Jab patty chota bachcha tha …

badi shararat karta tha …

grease se holi khel khel kar …

kapde kale karta thha …

Fir patty ki shamat aati thi…

Mummy gussa khati thhi…

Kapde wali patty ke ghar se…

Kaam chood kar jati thi…

Fir ik din patty bada hua …

Shararat karma kaam na hua …

Kapde kale hote rahe …

Kapde kale hote rahe …

Fir patty ne ek din socha …

Kyun na kale kapde hi pahne …

Kale kapde kale kapde kale kapde … !!!

Arre bhai …

Unko dhona nahin padta hai …

Sukhana nahin padta hai …

Fungus lag jaye to bhi …

Utarna nahin padta hai …

When patty was a little boy, he used to go to the play ground and would soil himself so badly that apparently the color used to appear as brown. Later his mom gave up and realized that the black color was easiest to maintain for him and bought him lots of black clothes.

Thursday, January 04, 2007

Patty series ... # 1


When Scott Adams created a comic character he ended up with Dilbert. I am, ending up with PATTY !!

So dear readers, my apologies to those in advance who will wait for these series and I will be busy with trivial things like simulations.


I project initial series with references to Raju Srivastava et. al. and later series can be conjectured to be original. I have got tons of those.

There you go !


Patty maya !!

# 1


Patty ! dekh tu akela ja raha hai …Poora barath par taang faila ke sona…

Tore paas ticket hai tora reservation hai side me wash basin hai…poora barath par taanga failana reservation ka poora paisa vasool karma …

Train me koi kuch de to khana nahin … behosh karke loot leta hai … jab tera khud khane ka maa nkare to chadar odh kar andar gutur gutur khana …

Arre ye kya ?! takiya ? takiye ka hawa nikalo … takiya, water bottle sab lekar chal raha hai ... dikha raha hai ki kama ke lauta hai …

Takiye ka hawa nikalo … joota ka takiya banao …

Tora reservation hai … sandaas me poora waqt bitana ... reservation ka poora paisa vasool karma …


Dekh train me choriyan bahut ho rahi hai … sambhal kar jana … chain se bag ko jo hai baandh lena…

Tujhe khana bandh kar diya hai … kisi ko dikhana nahin …

Agar aur bhookh lage to station se kela khareed kar kha lena …

Pahunche ka phone karma …kanpur me mail vail hai ki nahin ?? e mail – female ???

Ghar ja rahe ho .. jyada padhna nahin … ma ka haath batana kaam me … itna seekhe ho ab yahan …

Arre … ye hamra train chal raha hai ki baju wala train chal raha hai … chopra boss ??!! chalo .. arre rokiye rokiye …. !!! Arre patty tori ticket to hamre paas hai bey …


# 2

Arre patty tumhara chehra to motoyon jaisa chamak raha hai …. Kya baat hai …itna damak rahe ho … hmm ?? kya koi ladki ka chakkar hai ya koi naya sabun ya koi naya moisturizer lotion hai ??!

Kyun na ho ?? mai Nabar ka laal sabun jo istemaal karta hoon …

Chup budbak chouthi fail … na tel hai, na Nabar ka sabun hai …ye kamal to Canon SD powershot ke camere ka hai …

# 3

Dhishkyonn … Dhishkyonn … Dhishkyonn

Goliyon ka bhi asar nahin ?!

Inka ilaaj goliyan nahin … kanpur ka pollution hai … jao vahin raho … !!

References : Raju Srivastava et. al .

More coming soon …